It was wonderful. I was so nervous that I thought my legs would give out on me as I walked from the back of the room. Everyone was staring, and all I could do was stare back.
I seemed to have to climb on stage, and just as I turned to face the crowd, there he was, smack dab in the dead center of the crowd. One of my co-workers.
How could I have missed him sitting there, next to a few people I recognized from campus.
Ugh. This is what I was trying to avoid. The same guy that laughed when he found out I liked to write was now going to hear my thoughts. All I could think about was that on Friday work was going to be awkward.
But then I realized something, who cares who was there as long as I was doing what I had been wanting to do all this time.
Overcome this fear of baring my soul to people so that they could get to know me. So, I inhaled and let my spirit flow.
I opened my mouth and "My Contradiction" poured out of my mouth.
It wasn't even what I had planned to perform but it's what I needed to do. I immediately felt so much better about everything that has been going on. I just felt so, I don't know.
Like I had revealed all of myself to that room full of people. I'm definitely going to do it again.
And work wasn't so awkward.
I know the feeling; I used to get totally unnerved just before our band would take the stage and worrying about every mistake I could make as the group's drummer! But, just as I'd sit behind my kit - and worried about knocking something over - I'd think about the music I was about to perform... and just let it flow - then bask in that amazing moment to see people on the dance floor or bopping in their seats... to the beat I'm laying down and it's such a rush!
ReplyDeleteAnd it makes me wonder why I was afraid.
YES. This feeling you describe beautifully here...i'm very familiar with it and i crave it. I recently just got back into performing spoken word and I really feel what u are saying. Sometimes I worry about coworkers/classmates who seem to always happen to find the events i performa at. lol. I get self-conscious about sharing such intimate thoughts.But once I actually start the performance...all of that flies out of my mind and I lose myself in the moment. Such a great feeling
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