Thursday, March 7, 2013
A Year Since
It's been a year since I posted anything on this blog and I blame that year long hiatus on myself... I've changed. My mentality has changed and my blog has moved to Wordpress. So check me out there if you find this post.
My Inner Monologue Revealed is here: http://myinnermonologuerevealed.wordpress.com/
Monday, February 27, 2012
I've Been Writing Again
I don't know why I can't seem to let my emotions pour out when I'm getting ready to blog. But it's been kind of hard. However, when I'm at work or even sitting at the dinner table I find it so easy to just let my feelings show.
I need to just transfer them here because they are all over the place. And those are thoughts and feelings I don't want to lose.
Thoughts motivated by love, hate, anger,sadness, anxiety, nervousness. Just my thoughts. And it's time that I shared them with the world.
Well, I will tomorrow because I need to gather them all up and I'm tired. Good night all!
I need to just transfer them here because they are all over the place. And those are thoughts and feelings I don't want to lose.
Thoughts motivated by love, hate, anger,sadness, anxiety, nervousness. Just my thoughts. And it's time that I shared them with the world.
Well, I will tomorrow because I need to gather them all up and I'm tired. Good night all!
Friday, January 27, 2012
So, I've Fell Off
I'm supposed to be contributing to Comment Kissed on a weekly basis. But Lately I've been contributing to my own life. For that I'm not sorry. But I am about to really come back strong.
As we speak I am, well we're not speaking but you get it right? Anyway, I'm in the process of working on My Inner Monologue Revealed. Something that is a bit more intimate.
Thoughts I thought I'd never share with people. Things that may not seem so secretive to others, but to me they are my thoughts, poems, and feelings of pure raw emotion.
Fights within myself. Things I tried to hide. Things I wasn't expecting. It'll probably make people think I'm really as crazy as they say I am.
Hmph oh well. You might as well meet all us now right? lol
As we speak I am, well we're not speaking but you get it right? Anyway, I'm in the process of working on My Inner Monologue Revealed. Something that is a bit more intimate.
Thoughts I thought I'd never share with people. Things that may not seem so secretive to others, but to me they are my thoughts, poems, and feelings of pure raw emotion.
Fights within myself. Things I tried to hide. Things I wasn't expecting. It'll probably make people think I'm really as crazy as they say I am.
Hmph oh well. You might as well meet all us now right? lol
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
In my 22 years of living my real mother has never once encouraged me. Every day I wake up and thank God for another day and hope that maybe today will be the day she gives me what I long for.
All I want is a phone call saying that everything is going to be okay. Because right now things are good but at the same time they are so bad.
My spirit is aching and I don't even know why. I can't sleep, my level of motivation is down, and my heart is so heavy.
I envy girls that can talk to their mothers about any and everything, get the love a mother should give. Because I need that. I don't get that.
My mother thinks I'm weak and too nice. She says I ought to suck it up. That if I can't handle something then maybe I should try some easier, like giving up.
What do I say to that huh? How do I handle that? I'm so good at giving people advice and watching them get what they want out of life. But this, what I should have been getting since I was born is so hard to acquire.
And I'm tired of fighting for it. I refuse. This will be the last time I cry. This will be the last time I argue with her. I can't seem to get what I need most and if I keep fighting this fight I'm going to go insane.
I hate to say it but I feel like, unless it is extremely necessary I will not be around my mother.
And I know people say, you only get one mother, but dang... if my mother doesn't and hasn't acted like a mother what do I have. But a person who allowed me to live in their house for 19 years.
All I want is a phone call saying that everything is going to be okay. Because right now things are good but at the same time they are so bad.
My spirit is aching and I don't even know why. I can't sleep, my level of motivation is down, and my heart is so heavy.
I envy girls that can talk to their mothers about any and everything, get the love a mother should give. Because I need that. I don't get that.
My mother thinks I'm weak and too nice. She says I ought to suck it up. That if I can't handle something then maybe I should try some easier, like giving up.
What do I say to that huh? How do I handle that? I'm so good at giving people advice and watching them get what they want out of life. But this, what I should have been getting since I was born is so hard to acquire.
And I'm tired of fighting for it. I refuse. This will be the last time I cry. This will be the last time I argue with her. I can't seem to get what I need most and if I keep fighting this fight I'm going to go insane.
I hate to say it but I feel like, unless it is extremely necessary I will not be around my mother.
And I know people say, you only get one mother, but dang... if my mother doesn't and hasn't acted like a mother what do I have. But a person who allowed me to live in their house for 19 years.
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Better Late Than Never End of the Year Sunday Stealing
1. What did you do in 2011 that you’d never done before?
I took myself on a weekend vacation.
2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I did not, the sad thing is I don't even remember them. I do have a few December Resolutions though.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yes, two of my cousins did.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Unfortunately yes. I lost quite a few people this year.
5. What countries did you visit?
None this year :-(
6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?
Peace.
7. What dates from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
My first meeting with my 317 #CodeBlue students, the day I met my love, and the day I decided to start living for me.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I took an organization on campus that got no respect and had only 10 members and turned it into a family of 317 students. And I love each and every one of them.
9. What was your biggest failure?
I didn't stand up for what I believed in until it was too late. Never again.
10. What was the best thing you bought?
Journals
11. Whose behavior merited celebration?
No one's really... nothing sticks out.
12. Whose behavior made you appalled and disgusted?
Brandon Randleman (then I told him to suck my stick, well thats not the word I used)
13. What song will always remind you of 2011?
LMFAO- Party Rock
14. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Enjoyed life, wrote
15. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Spent excessive amounts of money on nothing
16. Did you fall in love in 2011?
No, but I met love.
17. What was your favorite new TV program?
The Big Bang Theory and (Im)practical jokers
18. What was the best book you read?
The Help
19. What one thing would have made your year measurably more satisfying?
If my family would have actually acted like a family (my parents and my sister and I are just happen to all have the last name).
20. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?
#CourtneyShrug because I'm a jeans and hoodie kind of girl
21. What kept you sane?
Music
22. Who did you miss?
My grandma
23. Who was the best new person you met?
Anita
24. Tell us a valuable lesson you learned in 2011?
Being celibate is about so much more than just not having sex
25. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
I'm going through changes... (Ledisi)
I took myself on a weekend vacation.
2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I did not, the sad thing is I don't even remember them. I do have a few December Resolutions though.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yes, two of my cousins did.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Unfortunately yes. I lost quite a few people this year.
5. What countries did you visit?
None this year :-(
6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?
Peace.
7. What dates from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
My first meeting with my 317 #CodeBlue students, the day I met my love, and the day I decided to start living for me.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I took an organization on campus that got no respect and had only 10 members and turned it into a family of 317 students. And I love each and every one of them.
9. What was your biggest failure?
I didn't stand up for what I believed in until it was too late. Never again.
10. What was the best thing you bought?
Journals
11. Whose behavior merited celebration?
No one's really... nothing sticks out.
12. Whose behavior made you appalled and disgusted?
Brandon Randleman (then I told him to suck my stick, well thats not the word I used)
13. What song will always remind you of 2011?
LMFAO- Party Rock
14. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Enjoyed life, wrote
15. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Spent excessive amounts of money on nothing
16. Did you fall in love in 2011?
No, but I met love.
17. What was your favorite new TV program?
The Big Bang Theory and (Im)practical jokers
18. What was the best book you read?
The Help
19. What one thing would have made your year measurably more satisfying?
If my family would have actually acted like a family (my parents and my sister and I are just happen to all have the last name).
20. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?
#CourtneyShrug because I'm a jeans and hoodie kind of girl
21. What kept you sane?
Music
22. Who did you miss?
My grandma
23. Who was the best new person you met?
Anita
24. Tell us a valuable lesson you learned in 2011?
Being celibate is about so much more than just not having sex
25. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
I'm going through changes... (Ledisi)
Friday, January 6, 2012
Addicted
I'm addicted to...
Journals
Music
Pocketbooks
Shoes
Sports
Family
Smiling
Crying
Me time
My love
Hand Sanitizer
Good times with my friends
Quality time
My grandmother's pineapple crush cake (all of her desserts really)
Ink pens
Poetry
Bad times
Art
Fun
I'm addicted to Life
Journals
Music
Pocketbooks
Shoes
Sports
Family
Smiling
Crying
Me time
My love
Hand Sanitizer
Good times with my friends
Quality time
My grandmother's pineapple crush cake (all of her desserts really)
Ink pens
Poetry
Bad times
Art
Fun
I'm addicted to Life
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Happy Leap Year!!!
Welcome! Welcome! Welcome!
It is 2012 and it's a LEAP YEAR! I don't really know why that excites me but it does. One thing I've always wanted to know is... what do people who are born on a leap year do for their birthday?
Think about it? If you're born on February 29th your birthday only comes around every four years. How do you celebrate? Hmmm random thought, but I've always wanted to know.
Let me explain why I am really happy about this leap year. A leap year means that there is an extra day for me to accomplish my goals for the year. An extra day for me to enjoy life. It means that there is an extra day in which God can bless me.
I'm expecting the extra this year. I was told that in order to get my blessings I'm going to have to snatch them up because this year they will roll in more frequently than ever.
I've had my new attitude and my December Resolutions have already been put into motion. All I want to do is enjoy what this year has to offer. I can't say I won't change because people change everyday.
All I know is, I'm ready and I'm willing.
It is 2012 and it's a LEAP YEAR! I don't really know why that excites me but it does. One thing I've always wanted to know is... what do people who are born on a leap year do for their birthday?
Think about it? If you're born on February 29th your birthday only comes around every four years. How do you celebrate? Hmmm random thought, but I've always wanted to know.
Let me explain why I am really happy about this leap year. A leap year means that there is an extra day for me to accomplish my goals for the year. An extra day for me to enjoy life. It means that there is an extra day in which God can bless me.
I'm expecting the extra this year. I was told that in order to get my blessings I'm going to have to snatch them up because this year they will roll in more frequently than ever.
I've had my new attitude and my December Resolutions have already been put into motion. All I want to do is enjoy what this year has to offer. I can't say I won't change because people change everyday.
All I know is, I'm ready and I'm willing.
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