Back to Reading

When I stopped writing, I stopped reading. I stopped enjoying me. My need to write and my desire to read go hand in hand. Both are ways that I enjoy me. Even when I'm writing about something that hurts me, or forces me to relive certain memories, I enjoy it.

Sounds a bit crazy, but if anyone has ever been through something that just broke them down, I am 200% sure that if they wrote it down they enjoyed it because they wrote their frustrations out.

That, is something to enjoy. The release of emotional pain and frustration onto paper. It's like pulling off an ugly pair of shoes that you walked around in all day long because you felt like their was nothing else to wear.

But, I'm falling back into the swing of things now and my oh my how much I am enjoying it. The more I write, the more I want to read. And the more I read the more I relax.

I most definitely have to get back reading more blog posts to, especially since about 6 people send me links to blogs they think I need to read. Thing is, I do need to read them.

Hmmm back to reading.

I Know Why, But I Don't Know Why

There are certain things about a woman that pull me in. The affection I get from her, her ability to please my mental and my physical without direction. Her ability to match the passion behind my kiss equally without struggle. The softness of her touch and the tenderness of her lips. And the conversation... yes. Women, most of them anyway, in my opinion, always seem to know exactly where you're coming from. No two women are alike in any way.

Then there are things I can get from a man that I can't get from a woman. A man's physical strength is, mhmmm, something that I crave at times. The strong hands that grip my back, the extra force behind his stroke in the heat of the moment. Some men have said some of the most intelligent things to me that have made me weak at the knees but, I always seem to want more.

I don't know, I just like what I like and I want what I want. For me being curious is satisfying to my "sweet tooth." It's like having the best of both worlds. I love her affection but I love his strength. I love her body, and hot damn I love his. Too many similarities and too many differences.

Still Celibate

Yesterday I celebrated 1 full year of being celibate by enjoying homecoming at VSU and then going out with a few friends to Colors. That was stupid.

There is nothing smart about going to a club full of men and women all on their A-game when you're craving some sexual attention. But I did have fun. I hadn't been out to Colors since my loves drag show and my how things have changed (insider).

I did enjoy myself though, and my friends helped me celebrate right. They surprised me with a few people from the 757 as well.

And although I was quite tempted to let my flesh make all my decisions I decided to party hard and then come home to a hot shower and some really good sleep.

Anywho, I've got other things I want to post but I felt like dedicating just one to myself!

Happy 1 year Anniversary to me.

Bear With Me, I Need to Ramble

I'm not really the normal type.
I pride myself on that.
I'm celibate.
But I get extremely horny at times.
I don't like hickies.
But I like the way it feels when someone is giving one.
Mhmmm bite me baby. lol
I think my homegirl is the sexiest stud I ever seen.
I've been in love with the same person since I was 13.
But that's another story.
I'm addicted to twitter.
I can't help it I love to share my thoughts with people.
Twitter is the next best thing after blogging.
I'm hungry.
I wouldn't mind being in a lip lock right now.
I'm going to see DeRay Davis tonight at my homecoming Comedy show.
I have heavily considered dropping out of school.
I spent the first two years of college effing up.
I'm really trying to stop cursing.
I'm really sleepy.
Sometimes I don't think I've gotten over my depression.
I feel like there may be more wrong with me than people think.
I'm starting to find myself in the midst of all this hell I been through though.
I'm learning more about me everyday.
Even when I'm feeling down.
I don't like breakfast, I love it.
I like to mix my cranberry and orange juice.
It tastes better that way.
I like working in the weight room in the mornings.
It gives me a chance to see what people look like under all those winter clothes they are about to start piling on.
I want some sushi.
And I want to go on a nice date.
But more than anything, I want to help people.
That is my main goal in life, there is nothing more fulfilling to my spirit than seeing someone be happy.
One Love <3

So NAPPtural

Sister locs or dreadlocks?
Mini afro or let it grow out like angie stone's.

Going natural is a process for me, one that I'm finding hard to handle because I've never had short hair.

It's always been fried, never dyed, and laid to the side. So, how do I manage this kinky forest atop my head.

I don't. I wash it and let it just... just. And then I slide a headband on it and go on with my day.

Ugh! I just gotta get my life and my hair together.

1 Year and Hopefully Still Counting

In 7 days I will be celebrating my first full year of celibacy. I can hardly believe it because there use to be a time when I couldn't go more than a couple days without giving in to the temptation of my flesh.

But mentally I am stronger now than I was then. But I still have my moments. I'm having one right now in fact but I'm trying to keep my mind busy.

This journey started as a joke between me and some friends, but as time went on I ended my 6 month bet by having what i thought might have been the best sex of my life lol.

However, going through that made me realize something, in those 6 months I learned quite a bit about myself and those around me.

So my simple bet became the first stepping stone in my path to becoming a better me. People asked how giving up sex helps me to be a better me but what they don't realize is that being celibate is about so much more than just not having sex, so much more.

It has helped me to see which people really wanted me for me, not for what I can do behind closed doors. It has caused me to develop a greater respect for myself and my body.

And, I'm sure that when I do finally decide to let my flesh taste the sweet and satisfying elixir that is sex it will be something like a great thing.

So, on this coming Saturday, not only will it be my Homecoming, it will be my anniversary.

But I gotta keep it real and admit, I wouldn't mind getting caught up in a mean lip lock with someone right about now. Just to satisfy this craving anyways.

Back to the Basics, Again

I haven't written anything since July. In fact, I hadn't the need to write anything. I don't know about other writers but I have to have the need to do so.

I use to have a need so great I would wake up early in the morning just to write something that was on my heart.

Whether it was something deep and insightful or shallow and amusing, I had to write it. But my need to write had faded.

I don't know why, because I wanted to write. I didn't really like the title of this blog at first, "My Final Thoughts."

It sounded like death. But after this long period of wanting to write and not needing to I have realized something. It isn't death, but it is final.

Because I can never relive that day or those moments again. They can be thought of, and the stories can be told of that days emotions but can't relive that day.

Sure, if I read over what I've written I may feel some of those emotions again, but it won't be the same. There I must get back to the basics.

I need to write because I need to release those feelings. Stop trying to relive those days over and over.

So, I getting back to the basics. When I need to write I'm going to write. Just let it go. I'm not going to force myself to write, I'm going to let it flow.

So, thanks to one of my followers/followees on twitter I am ready. So, thanks for the inspiration woman.

So without further ado, welcome back into my mind. These are my final thoughts.