Things are about to change, I have some things I want to accomplish in the year 2012 and I am not waiting until New Years to begin working on them.
I am, however, going to start on the 1st of December. That's right, tomorrow. People are always saying tomorrow may be to late but today I'm writing out these plans of mine so that tomorrow I can begin to actually get things going.
What I'm making today will be something like a map so that I can remain focused. Because as of late, things have been blurring my vision.
I'm ready for tomorrow. Well, not quite I have to finish my calendar and such first then I will be ready.
It's time for me to make a few changes in my life so that I can really enjoy life. I shouldn't have to force myself to take vacations. I see big things in my future so as long as God keeps talking to me I'm going to keep listening.
I have decided upon one thing though this morning. I will not let the small stuff affect me. I can't give people that kind of power over me.
Excited about the things to come.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Sleep Talker
I sleep walk, not always but every now and then it just happens. That's normal. Well not normal, but it's common.
However, I'm not normal, I'm different.
I sleep talk as well. In fact last night while I slept comfortably in my bed my sister recorded me in the act.
She always comes over and doesn't sleep when she's having troubles with her men, and I always seem to get caught doing something weird.
First of all, I was talking calmly. And then I got into an argument. It's funny because I haven't really had any problems with anyone except for my mom lately. But that's a usual problem in my life so I don't see how I could have been arguing with her.
And she doesn't speak a lick of Spanish. Whoever I may have been verbally tussling with had to be speaking Spanish because the entire my sister is recording I'm talking and then yelling, in Spanish.
It's kind of weird because if you've ever seen someone sleep talk you know we move as if we are awake.
I don't know if I should be laughing still or worried because ummm, it is kind of weird.
Priceless moments, embarrassing moments, but priceless all the same.
However, I'm not normal, I'm different.
I sleep talk as well. In fact last night while I slept comfortably in my bed my sister recorded me in the act.
She always comes over and doesn't sleep when she's having troubles with her men, and I always seem to get caught doing something weird.
First of all, I was talking calmly. And then I got into an argument. It's funny because I haven't really had any problems with anyone except for my mom lately. But that's a usual problem in my life so I don't see how I could have been arguing with her.
And she doesn't speak a lick of Spanish. Whoever I may have been verbally tussling with had to be speaking Spanish because the entire my sister is recording I'm talking and then yelling, in Spanish.
It's kind of weird because if you've ever seen someone sleep talk you know we move as if we are awake.
I don't know if I should be laughing still or worried because ummm, it is kind of weird.
Priceless moments, embarrassing moments, but priceless all the same.
Monday, November 28, 2011
Online Dating and Long Distance
Apparently I'm missing something because online dating is like the new thing. People seem to meet each other through all kinds of websites now.
I mean relationships are starting on Facebook and Twitter? (Really?)
eHarmony, Zoosk, OkCupid, Match.com, (yes I'm googling them) mingle2.com and a host of others are all making dreams come true for those persons interested in finding love.
Now I'm not knocking people who choose to find love via the internet I just feel as if that's not enough.
I want to fall in love the old fashion way. I want to be courted. Seriously courted. I want to be picked up and taken out.
Phone calls and online chatting just wouldn't do it for me. I'm a person that loves face to face conversation and well skype just can't cut it.
Now, some people will say that this is just like long distance relationships and that may be but, even then I can only deal with long distance relationships to an extent.
I was in one so I know how to handle it. I was here and my love was in Korea. I take pride, still to this day on being faithful. I looked forward to being able to see him, and spend time with him while he was on leave.
But of course we both wanted more, unfortunately only one of us could handle being a part.
I can't lie and say I didn't want him around all the time but I respected the fact that when he left we were together and I was hoping then that when his tour was over we'd be together when he got back.
But he couldn't handle it. *Courtney Shrug* because I'm over it now.
Now I have my reservations about long distance love. But like few I have an open mind and am only willing to work at a relationship if the other person is willing to do the same.
I don't know man, I'm still learning and I'm still growing as far as my heart is concerned. But ummm online dating... no. Long distance... ummmmm I don't know.
I mean relationships are starting on Facebook and Twitter? (Really?)
eHarmony, Zoosk, OkCupid, Match.com, (yes I'm googling them) mingle2.com and a host of others are all making dreams come true for those persons interested in finding love.
Now I'm not knocking people who choose to find love via the internet I just feel as if that's not enough.
I want to fall in love the old fashion way. I want to be courted. Seriously courted. I want to be picked up and taken out.
Phone calls and online chatting just wouldn't do it for me. I'm a person that loves face to face conversation and well skype just can't cut it.
Now, some people will say that this is just like long distance relationships and that may be but, even then I can only deal with long distance relationships to an extent.
I was in one so I know how to handle it. I was here and my love was in Korea. I take pride, still to this day on being faithful. I looked forward to being able to see him, and spend time with him while he was on leave.
But of course we both wanted more, unfortunately only one of us could handle being a part.
I can't lie and say I didn't want him around all the time but I respected the fact that when he left we were together and I was hoping then that when his tour was over we'd be together when he got back.
But he couldn't handle it. *Courtney Shrug* because I'm over it now.
Now I have my reservations about long distance love. But like few I have an open mind and am only willing to work at a relationship if the other person is willing to do the same.
I don't know man, I'm still learning and I'm still growing as far as my heart is concerned. But ummm online dating... no. Long distance... ummmmm I don't know.
Cured Boredom
We fell asleep.
J came over last night to watch trash tv with me but that didn't happen. We ended up eating Chinese and Netflix-ing it.
We did talk some though, well we argued. She's a Washington Deadskins fan poor thing. And we laughed, a lot, about absolutely nothing.
She asked me what I'm always doing on my laptop because the two times she's come over it has been up. So I told her I blog, and I write. Which is the reason for the journal in my pocketbook.
I even let her run through my blogs, even the ones I don't write on anymore. I don't know what she stopped to read and what she ignored but it's all good because she didn't run out screaming.
Which is what this one guy did after he read a post of mine over the summer. Well, he didn't run but he walked away rather quickly.
I do have a random question for anyone that will answer, what is wrong with me sleeping in long sleeve shirts/hoodies in the winter time? I like to be comfortable.
Anywho, we cuddled up on the couch and watched movies until we fell asleep. J woke me up at like 3 something this morning to let me know she was leaving. Which was fine because I did have to come to work this morning.
I haven't fallen asleep on the couch with someone in a long time and it was quite nice.
It was the perfect cure for my Sunday night boredom.
J came over last night to watch trash tv with me but that didn't happen. We ended up eating Chinese and Netflix-ing it.
We did talk some though, well we argued. She's a Washington Deadskins fan poor thing. And we laughed, a lot, about absolutely nothing.
She asked me what I'm always doing on my laptop because the two times she's come over it has been up. So I told her I blog, and I write. Which is the reason for the journal in my pocketbook.
I even let her run through my blogs, even the ones I don't write on anymore. I don't know what she stopped to read and what she ignored but it's all good because she didn't run out screaming.
Which is what this one guy did after he read a post of mine over the summer. Well, he didn't run but he walked away rather quickly.
I do have a random question for anyone that will answer, what is wrong with me sleeping in long sleeve shirts/hoodies in the winter time? I like to be comfortable.
Anywho, we cuddled up on the couch and watched movies until we fell asleep. J woke me up at like 3 something this morning to let me know she was leaving. Which was fine because I did have to come to work this morning.
I haven't fallen asleep on the couch with someone in a long time and it was quite nice.
It was the perfect cure for my Sunday night boredom.
More Re-Stolen Questions (Yeah Ima be Doing This A Lot)
23. Do you ever walk around the house naked?
Ever since I lost that weight, baby yes.
24. If you were an animal what would you be? Why?
I'm not sure, either a monkey or a lion. A monkey because I'm always joking around or a lion because I like to be in charge, queen of the jungle.
25. Hair color you like on someone you’re dating?
I don't care, just don't be a lil kim/nicki minaj look-a-like.
26. If suffering an injury, would you rather be left blind or deaf?
Wow... ummm I can't decide. I don't want to be in the dark for the rest of my life but at the same time I can't go a day without music.
27. Do you have any special talents?
I play the cello.
28. What do you do as soon as you walk in the house?
I drop my bag in my room next to bed, grab something to drink and think about what I'm going to do next.
29. Do you like horror or comedy?
Both
30. Are you missing anyone?
All the time.
31. Where do you want to live when you are old?
Texas, maybe. It doesn't matter as long as I'm with someone I love.
32. Who is the person you can count on the most?
Other than God, Ms. Liddell.
33. If you could date any celebrity past or present, who would it be?
Common
34. What did you dream last night?
I'm not really sure, it had something to do with the kids I work with crawling through vents and stressing me out. My mind was everywhere last night.
35. What is your favorite sport to watch?
It's a tie between football and basketball.
36. Are you named after anyone?
Nope.
37. What is your favorite alcoholic drink?
I don't have a favorite, but a Jamaica Freeze has been all I wanted lately.
38. Non alcoholic drink?
Any Arizonas but the half 'n halfs are my favorite.
39. Have you ever been in love?
Once
40. Do you sing in the shower?
Yes, very badly though
41. Have you ever been arrested?
No
42. What is your favorite Holiday?
I like Christmas and New Years equally, it is the only time I get to be with my entire family from the 24th until the 2nd.
43. Would you ever get plastic surgery?
No
44. Have you ever caught a fish?
Yes
Ever since I lost that weight, baby yes.
24. If you were an animal what would you be? Why?
I'm not sure, either a monkey or a lion. A monkey because I'm always joking around or a lion because I like to be in charge, queen of the jungle.
25. Hair color you like on someone you’re dating?
I don't care, just don't be a lil kim/nicki minaj look-a-like.
26. If suffering an injury, would you rather be left blind or deaf?
Wow... ummm I can't decide. I don't want to be in the dark for the rest of my life but at the same time I can't go a day without music.
27. Do you have any special talents?
I play the cello.
28. What do you do as soon as you walk in the house?
I drop my bag in my room next to bed, grab something to drink and think about what I'm going to do next.
29. Do you like horror or comedy?
Both
30. Are you missing anyone?
All the time.
31. Where do you want to live when you are old?
Texas, maybe. It doesn't matter as long as I'm with someone I love.
32. Who is the person you can count on the most?
Other than God, Ms. Liddell.
33. If you could date any celebrity past or present, who would it be?
Common
34. What did you dream last night?
I'm not really sure, it had something to do with the kids I work with crawling through vents and stressing me out. My mind was everywhere last night.
35. What is your favorite sport to watch?
It's a tie between football and basketball.
36. Are you named after anyone?
Nope.
37. What is your favorite alcoholic drink?
I don't have a favorite, but a Jamaica Freeze has been all I wanted lately.
38. Non alcoholic drink?
Any Arizonas but the half 'n halfs are my favorite.
39. Have you ever been in love?
Once
40. Do you sing in the shower?
Yes, very badly though
41. Have you ever been arrested?
No
42. What is your favorite Holiday?
I like Christmas and New Years equally, it is the only time I get to be with my entire family from the 24th until the 2nd.
43. Would you ever get plastic surgery?
No
44. Have you ever caught a fish?
Yes
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Left Overs
My Thanksgiving holiday is officially over. I must say it was quite a break. My grandma being here really did me a lot of good. According to her it did her a lot of good too.
My week was actually very relaxing. It was just what the doctor ordered, literally.
My breakfast date with J was pretty chill. The conversation was really good. And anyone who knows me knows I'm all about good conversation. She's older than I am, but only by 2 years.
She's in grad school at state. Although we've played intramural basketball against each other, and then on the same all-star team I never really knew who she was.
We're supposed to kick it again sometime this week so I'm a bit excited.
I did do some black friday shopping with her though. After she came to my place and ate sweet potatoes at 1 in the morning. Both of us had friends that tagged along so it made for an interesting array of conversation.
Anywho, I'm still upset that I haven't seen the lady from the Target commercials. I was so anxious to sing "rum tummy tummy, rum tummy tummy, rum tummy tummy ho ho ho" with her.
I'm kind of sad that this holiday break is over, but I'm excited that it is because on Friday I'll be headed to NYC for the weekend.
2 weeks left in the semester and then it's work, work, work, and more Xmas shopping.
I miss my grandma already, I want her to come back. Ugh, I've been writing a lot in my journal lately. Poetry is starting to pour out of my ink pens and I might share it, I don't know yet.
My week was actually very relaxing. It was just what the doctor ordered, literally.
My breakfast date with J was pretty chill. The conversation was really good. And anyone who knows me knows I'm all about good conversation. She's older than I am, but only by 2 years.
She's in grad school at state. Although we've played intramural basketball against each other, and then on the same all-star team I never really knew who she was.
We're supposed to kick it again sometime this week so I'm a bit excited.
I did do some black friday shopping with her though. After she came to my place and ate sweet potatoes at 1 in the morning. Both of us had friends that tagged along so it made for an interesting array of conversation.
Anywho, I'm still upset that I haven't seen the lady from the Target commercials. I was so anxious to sing "rum tummy tummy, rum tummy tummy, rum tummy tummy ho ho ho" with her.
I'm kind of sad that this holiday break is over, but I'm excited that it is because on Friday I'll be headed to NYC for the weekend.
2 weeks left in the semester and then it's work, work, work, and more Xmas shopping.
I miss my grandma already, I want her to come back. Ugh, I've been writing a lot in my journal lately. Poetry is starting to pour out of my ink pens and I might share it, I don't know yet.
Re-Stolen Questions
1. Have you ever licked the back of a CD to try to get it to work?
Nope, I did try toothpaste and peanut butter though, only the toothpaste worked. I thought the licking thing was for ink pens???
2. What’s the largest age difference between yourself and someone you’ve dated?
9 years
3. Ever been in a car wreck?
Yes, only one. I fell asleep on my way back to VA from Texas.
4. Were you popular in high school?
Yes, but I wasn't the typical popular girl. I played 3 sports and was involved in a lot of clubs and I had friends in all circles. I didn't hang with just one group of people, I liked everyone from the jocks to the "outcasts." I'm a people person.
5. Have you ever been on a blind date?
Yes, I wish I would have been blind... and deaf. It was horrible. Never again.
6. Are looks important? Do you have to be flawless?
No, a person just has to have nice teeth and cute ears.
7. Do you have any friends that you’ve known for 10 years or more?
I did, her name was Ashton, she died last year. We had been friends since we were 4.
8. By what age would you like to be married?
I don't know, I don't want to put a time limit on when I fall in love with someone, but my friend Jeremy and I did say that if we're both still single at 60 we're going to marry each other.
9. Does the number of people a person’s slept with affect your view of them?
Not really, your body count just can't be outrageous and please don't have anything to "share" with me.
10. Have you ever made a mistake?
Everyday, but I'm learning from them.
11. Are you a good tipper?
Yes, I waited tables freshmen year and I know the $2 feeling.
12. What’s the most you have spent for a haircut?
$25, I made the big chop.
13. Have you ever had a crush on a teacher?
Nope, I did have one on my coach though.
14. Have you ever peed in public?
Haha, yes on the side of the highway with 3 of my cousins. We had to go so we went together. Thank goodness for the what-a-burger napkins lol.
15. What song do you want played at your funeral?
I don't know, never really thought about it.
16. Would you tell your parents if you were gay?
I like girls and boys, I tried to tell my parents that when I was 16, my dad didn't care but my mom did. That was 6 years, 2 girls and 1 boy ago and she still doesn't believe me. It's okay though, we don't really get along anyway. My dad still doesn't care.
17. What would your last meal be before getting executed?
I don't know about the whole meal, but as long as I get a slice of my grandmas pineapple cake and buttermilk pie, my ant t hatties peach cobbler and blue bell ice cream, and my ant t lula mae's banana pudding, and a big red soda the rest of the meal can be anything from Billys in Texas to Razzoo's fried alligator and such.
18. Beatles or Stones?
Stones, I like the beatles but. the stones baby oh yeah.
19. If you had to pick one person on earth to die, who would it be?
Whoa, nobody. Crazy much?
20. Beer, wine or hard liquor?
Wine when I'm writing and liquor on the norm. Beer is just nasty.
21. Do you have any phobias?
I have a mild case of OCD, and I'm terribly afraid of garden gnomes.
22. What are your plans for the future?
I want to happy, and I want to help people.
Nope, I did try toothpaste and peanut butter though, only the toothpaste worked. I thought the licking thing was for ink pens???
2. What’s the largest age difference between yourself and someone you’ve dated?
9 years
3. Ever been in a car wreck?
Yes, only one. I fell asleep on my way back to VA from Texas.
4. Were you popular in high school?
Yes, but I wasn't the typical popular girl. I played 3 sports and was involved in a lot of clubs and I had friends in all circles. I didn't hang with just one group of people, I liked everyone from the jocks to the "outcasts." I'm a people person.
5. Have you ever been on a blind date?
Yes, I wish I would have been blind... and deaf. It was horrible. Never again.
6. Are looks important? Do you have to be flawless?
No, a person just has to have nice teeth and cute ears.
7. Do you have any friends that you’ve known for 10 years or more?
I did, her name was Ashton, she died last year. We had been friends since we were 4.
8. By what age would you like to be married?
I don't know, I don't want to put a time limit on when I fall in love with someone, but my friend Jeremy and I did say that if we're both still single at 60 we're going to marry each other.
9. Does the number of people a person’s slept with affect your view of them?
Not really, your body count just can't be outrageous and please don't have anything to "share" with me.
10. Have you ever made a mistake?
Everyday, but I'm learning from them.
11. Are you a good tipper?
Yes, I waited tables freshmen year and I know the $2 feeling.
12. What’s the most you have spent for a haircut?
$25, I made the big chop.
13. Have you ever had a crush on a teacher?
Nope, I did have one on my coach though.
14. Have you ever peed in public?
Haha, yes on the side of the highway with 3 of my cousins. We had to go so we went together. Thank goodness for the what-a-burger napkins lol.
15. What song do you want played at your funeral?
I don't know, never really thought about it.
16. Would you tell your parents if you were gay?
I like girls and boys, I tried to tell my parents that when I was 16, my dad didn't care but my mom did. That was 6 years, 2 girls and 1 boy ago and she still doesn't believe me. It's okay though, we don't really get along anyway. My dad still doesn't care.
17. What would your last meal be before getting executed?
I don't know about the whole meal, but as long as I get a slice of my grandmas pineapple cake and buttermilk pie, my ant t hatties peach cobbler and blue bell ice cream, and my ant t lula mae's banana pudding, and a big red soda the rest of the meal can be anything from Billys in Texas to Razzoo's fried alligator and such.
18. Beatles or Stones?
Stones, I like the beatles but. the stones baby oh yeah.
19. If you had to pick one person on earth to die, who would it be?
Whoa, nobody. Crazy much?
20. Beer, wine or hard liquor?
Wine when I'm writing and liquor on the norm. Beer is just nasty.
21. Do you have any phobias?
I have a mild case of OCD, and I'm terribly afraid of garden gnomes.
22. What are your plans for the future?
I want to happy, and I want to help people.
Re-Stolen Questions
1. Have you ever licked the back of a CD to try to get it to work?
Nope, I did try toothpaste and peanut butter though, only the toothpaste worked. I thought the licking thing was for ink pens???
2. What’s the largest age difference between yourself and someone you’ve dated?
9 years
3. Ever been in a car wreck?
Yes, only one. I fell asleep on my way back to VA from Texas.
4. Were you popular in high school?
Yes, but I wasn't the typical popular girl. I played 3 sports and was involved in a lot of clubs and I had friends in all circles. I didn't hang with just one group of people, I liked everyone from the jocks to the "outcasts." I'm a people person.
5. Have you ever been on a blind date?
Yes, I wish I would have been blind... and deaf. It was horrible. Never again.
6. Are looks important? Do you have to be flawless?
No, a person just has to have nice teeth and cute ears.
7. Do you have any friends that you’ve known for 10 years or more?
I did, her name was Ashton, she died last year. We had been friends since we were 4.
8. By what age would you like to be married?
I don't know, I don't want to put a time limit on when I fall in love with someone, but my friend Jeremy and I did say that if we're both still single at 60 we're going to marry each other.
9. Does the number of people a person’s slept with affect your view of them?
Not really, your body count just can't be outrageous and please don't have anything to "share" with me.
10. Have you ever made a mistake?
Everyday, but I'm learning from them.
11. Are you a good tipper?
Yes, I waited tables freshmen year and I know the $2 feeling.
12. What’s the most you have spent for a haircut?
$25, I made the big chop.
13. Have you ever had a crush on a teacher?
Nope, I did have one on my coach though.
14. Have you ever peed in public?
Haha, yes on the side of the highway with 3 of my cousins. We had to go so we went together. Thank goodness for the what-a-burger napkins lol.
15. What song do you want played at your funeral?
I don't know, never really thought about it.
16. Would you tell your parents if you were gay?
I like girls and boys, I tried to tell my parents that when I was 16, my dad didn't care but my mom did. That was 6 years, 2 girls and 1 boy ago and she still doesn't believe me. It's okay though, we don't really get along anyway. My dad still doesn't care.
17. What would your last meal be before getting executed?
I don't know about the whole meal, but as long as I get a slice of my grandmas pineapple cake and buttermilk pie, my ant t hatties peach cobbler and blue bell ice cream, and my ant t lula mae's banana pudding, and a big red soda the rest of the meal can be anything from Billys in Texas to Razzoo's fried alligator and such.
18. Beatles or Stones?
Stones, I like the beatles but. the stones baby oh yeah.
19. If you had to pick one person on earth to die, who would it be?
Whoa, nobody. Crazy much?
20. Beer, wine or hard liquor?
Wine when I'm writing and liquor on the norm. Beer is just nasty.
21. Do you have any phobias?
I have a mild case of OCD, and I'm terribly afraid of garden gnomes.
22. What are your plans for the future?
I want to happy, and I want to help people.
Nope, I did try toothpaste and peanut butter though, only the toothpaste worked. I thought the licking thing was for ink pens???
2. What’s the largest age difference between yourself and someone you’ve dated?
9 years
3. Ever been in a car wreck?
Yes, only one. I fell asleep on my way back to VA from Texas.
4. Were you popular in high school?
Yes, but I wasn't the typical popular girl. I played 3 sports and was involved in a lot of clubs and I had friends in all circles. I didn't hang with just one group of people, I liked everyone from the jocks to the "outcasts." I'm a people person.
5. Have you ever been on a blind date?
Yes, I wish I would have been blind... and deaf. It was horrible. Never again.
6. Are looks important? Do you have to be flawless?
No, a person just has to have nice teeth and cute ears.
7. Do you have any friends that you’ve known for 10 years or more?
I did, her name was Ashton, she died last year. We had been friends since we were 4.
8. By what age would you like to be married?
I don't know, I don't want to put a time limit on when I fall in love with someone, but my friend Jeremy and I did say that if we're both still single at 60 we're going to marry each other.
9. Does the number of people a person’s slept with affect your view of them?
Not really, your body count just can't be outrageous and please don't have anything to "share" with me.
10. Have you ever made a mistake?
Everyday, but I'm learning from them.
11. Are you a good tipper?
Yes, I waited tables freshmen year and I know the $2 feeling.
12. What’s the most you have spent for a haircut?
$25, I made the big chop.
13. Have you ever had a crush on a teacher?
Nope, I did have one on my coach though.
14. Have you ever peed in public?
Haha, yes on the side of the highway with 3 of my cousins. We had to go so we went together. Thank goodness for the what-a-burger napkins lol.
15. What song do you want played at your funeral?
I don't know, never really thought about it.
16. Would you tell your parents if you were gay?
I like girls and boys, I tried to tell my parents that when I was 16, my dad didn't care but my mom did. That was 6 years, 2 girls and 1 boy ago and she still doesn't believe me. It's okay though, we don't really get along anyway. My dad still doesn't care.
17. What would your last meal be before getting executed?
I don't know about the whole meal, but as long as I get a slice of my grandmas pineapple cake and buttermilk pie, my ant t hatties peach cobbler and blue bell ice cream, and my ant t lula mae's banana pudding, and a big red soda the rest of the meal can be anything from Billys in Texas to Razzoo's fried alligator and such.
18. Beatles or Stones?
Stones, I like the beatles but. the stones baby oh yeah.
19. If you had to pick one person on earth to die, who would it be?
Whoa, nobody. Crazy much?
20. Beer, wine or hard liquor?
Wine when I'm writing and liquor on the norm. Beer is just nasty.
21. Do you have any phobias?
I have a mild case of OCD, and I'm terribly afraid of garden gnomes.
22. What are your plans for the future?
I want to happy, and I want to help people.
Monday, November 21, 2011
The Monday Review In Quicktime
I went to work.
Some of my students came and hung out with me while I was on the clock.
I went to my doctors appointment.
I had lunch with my homegirl Nita.
Saw a hawk attack a squirrel on campus :-(.
Got a number from this cutie named JG. He's like 6' 5. Very sexy.
I went and sat in my car while it got washed. I haven't done that in ages. It was like being a kid again.
I met a girl, well she came and met me. Apparently she was looking for me, I know her though so I didn't know why she was acting all shy like. Weird but I'll def give more details after our breakfast date in the morning.
I'm about to start my winter cleaning extremely early because tomorrow... My grandmother is coming!!!!!
Some of my students came and hung out with me while I was on the clock.
I went to my doctors appointment.
I had lunch with my homegirl Nita.
Saw a hawk attack a squirrel on campus :-(.
Got a number from this cutie named JG. He's like 6' 5. Very sexy.
I went and sat in my car while it got washed. I haven't done that in ages. It was like being a kid again.
I met a girl, well she came and met me. Apparently she was looking for me, I know her though so I didn't know why she was acting all shy like. Weird but I'll def give more details after our breakfast date in the morning.
I'm about to start my winter cleaning extremely early because tomorrow... My grandmother is coming!!!!!
Sunday, November 20, 2011
I Want...
I want some head so good my muscles contract and my walls collapse.
So good my eyes roll back and there's a natural arch in my back.
I want some love so tender that, ooh wee my soul cries out.
Love so good it blows my back out.
I want kisses so sweet,
Each one feels different when they are placed all over me.
But each will carry the same amount of intensity.
I want the right person, to say the right things to me.
So right it makes me weak at the knees.
I want you to place your hands all over me.
Study my body like a student in anatomy.
I just want you... whoever you are.
So good my eyes roll back and there's a natural arch in my back.
I want some love so tender that, ooh wee my soul cries out.
Love so good it blows my back out.
I want kisses so sweet,
Each one feels different when they are placed all over me.
But each will carry the same amount of intensity.
I want the right person, to say the right things to me.
So right it makes me weak at the knees.
I want you to place your hands all over me.
Study my body like a student in anatomy.
I just want you... whoever you are.
It's Getting Harder to Hide
It bothers me to breathe. It's like I'm inhaling something that is strong like acetone.
I cough, constantly now. I can't even sleep at night. It like bronchitis but 100x worse. I can't even go out to dinner with my sisters without them jumping down my throat about not taking better care of myself.
But what more can I do. I've taken time off and out for myself. I try and sleep more. I've been leaving the office earlier on a daily basis.
I don't know what else to do. Luckily my hair isn't falling out like it did the first time. I'm already rockin' the mini fro.
There really is nothing left to lose. I know this isn't funny but I have to try and keep my spirits up.
This is forcing me to step up my game in life. Game meaning, get my life more together. Why is it that when people are faced with life altering situations they get a sudden boost of confidence?
I should have stepped up and did this a while back but I didn't have the motivation to until I found out I just might be enduring this fight for a second time.
Ugh! My life really just started picking back up and I'm smiling everyday now, I can't go back there.
I don't want to. Whoo Lordy, it's praying time like my grandmother says.
I cough, constantly now. I can't even sleep at night. It like bronchitis but 100x worse. I can't even go out to dinner with my sisters without them jumping down my throat about not taking better care of myself.
But what more can I do. I've taken time off and out for myself. I try and sleep more. I've been leaving the office earlier on a daily basis.
I don't know what else to do. Luckily my hair isn't falling out like it did the first time. I'm already rockin' the mini fro.
There really is nothing left to lose. I know this isn't funny but I have to try and keep my spirits up.
This is forcing me to step up my game in life. Game meaning, get my life more together. Why is it that when people are faced with life altering situations they get a sudden boost of confidence?
I should have stepped up and did this a while back but I didn't have the motivation to until I found out I just might be enduring this fight for a second time.
Ugh! My life really just started picking back up and I'm smiling everyday now, I can't go back there.
I don't want to. Whoo Lordy, it's praying time like my grandmother says.
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Open Mic Night
It was wonderful. I was so nervous that I thought my legs would give out on me as I walked from the back of the room. Everyone was staring, and all I could do was stare back.
I seemed to have to climb on stage, and just as I turned to face the crowd, there he was, smack dab in the dead center of the crowd. One of my co-workers.
How could I have missed him sitting there, next to a few people I recognized from campus.
Ugh. This is what I was trying to avoid. The same guy that laughed when he found out I liked to write was now going to hear my thoughts. All I could think about was that on Friday work was going to be awkward.
But then I realized something, who cares who was there as long as I was doing what I had been wanting to do all this time.
Overcome this fear of baring my soul to people so that they could get to know me. So, I inhaled and let my spirit flow.
I opened my mouth and "My Contradiction" poured out of my mouth.
It wasn't even what I had planned to perform but it's what I needed to do. I immediately felt so much better about everything that has been going on. I just felt so, I don't know.
Like I had revealed all of myself to that room full of people. I'm definitely going to do it again.
And work wasn't so awkward.
I seemed to have to climb on stage, and just as I turned to face the crowd, there he was, smack dab in the dead center of the crowd. One of my co-workers.
How could I have missed him sitting there, next to a few people I recognized from campus.
Ugh. This is what I was trying to avoid. The same guy that laughed when he found out I liked to write was now going to hear my thoughts. All I could think about was that on Friday work was going to be awkward.
But then I realized something, who cares who was there as long as I was doing what I had been wanting to do all this time.
Overcome this fear of baring my soul to people so that they could get to know me. So, I inhaled and let my spirit flow.
I opened my mouth and "My Contradiction" poured out of my mouth.
It wasn't even what I had planned to perform but it's what I needed to do. I immediately felt so much better about everything that has been going on. I just felt so, I don't know.
Like I had revealed all of myself to that room full of people. I'm definitely going to do it again.
And work wasn't so awkward.
Something I Felt the Need to Post
I've been reading blogs and everyone seems to have that one blog in which friendship is the topic of discussion. So, I want to share this saying that my cousin sent me a while back when I was dealing with "friends."
"I TOLD GOD TO PROTECT ME FROM MY ENEMIES AND I STARTED LOSING FRIENDS."
Crazy isn't it?
"I TOLD GOD TO PROTECT ME FROM MY ENEMIES AND I STARTED LOSING FRIENDS."
Crazy isn't it?
Friday, November 18, 2011
I Had To...
I had to lose “myself” to find just a piece of MYSELF.
I had to lose my mind to find to find sanity in this life of mine.
I had to lose many “friends” to be blessed with a few true friends.
I had to suffer losses to truly appreciate my winnings.
I had to… so that I could.
I had to lose my mind to find to find sanity in this life of mine.
I had to lose many “friends” to be blessed with a few true friends.
I had to suffer losses to truly appreciate my winnings.
I had to… so that I could.
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Too Local Open Mic
In about 2 hours and some change I'll be participating in an open mic that is too close for comfort.
I can travel way out to the other side of Richmond where no one knows me and I don't have to face the people the next day but, this one tonight is 2 minutes away from my school.
And quite a few people I work with chill here apparently. I'm so nervous because this is a side of me not a lot of people know about.
I'm just hoping I shake these nerves before I get up there on that little stage. Plus it's my favorite sushi spot, if I get up there and mess up I'm going to remember it every time I have a dragon roll.
This isn't the only thing bothering me though. I had a not so good doctors visit the other day and I'm a bit down about it.
I'm trying to decide when I'm going to tell my sisters because the first time I went through this I thought they were going to pass out.
I don't know if I'm strong enough to handle this again so I'm hoping that it's not as bad as it feels.
I been praying so much that God help me through this again I practically live in my "prayer closet" as my grandmother calls it.
Whoo, I gotta shake this, and I gotta shake it now. It's already thrown me off once, I won't let it throw me off again.
I can travel way out to the other side of Richmond where no one knows me and I don't have to face the people the next day but, this one tonight is 2 minutes away from my school.
And quite a few people I work with chill here apparently. I'm so nervous because this is a side of me not a lot of people know about.
I'm just hoping I shake these nerves before I get up there on that little stage. Plus it's my favorite sushi spot, if I get up there and mess up I'm going to remember it every time I have a dragon roll.
This isn't the only thing bothering me though. I had a not so good doctors visit the other day and I'm a bit down about it.
I'm trying to decide when I'm going to tell my sisters because the first time I went through this I thought they were going to pass out.
I don't know if I'm strong enough to handle this again so I'm hoping that it's not as bad as it feels.
I been praying so much that God help me through this again I practically live in my "prayer closet" as my grandmother calls it.
Whoo, I gotta shake this, and I gotta shake it now. It's already thrown me off once, I won't let it throw me off again.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
You've Changed
It bothers me just a bit when people who haven't seen me say, "Girl, you've changed." Ummm duh! That's what people do when time passes.
Anywho, today while I was enjoying some me time I ran into this girl I went to school with when I first moved to Virginia. I'm not the one to hold grudges but, if I didn't associate with you in school, honey I'm not going to act all, "Ooooh hey girl, how you been? What you been up too?" That's just not me.
I didn't care then, still don't. But, I am a cordial person. So I said hey back, and hit her with the "I'm good". Then she hit me with the, "Girl you don' lost weight, and cut all yo hair off."
Obviously lol
I don't know, I just think it's weird when people say that I've grown or I'm becoming a beautiful young woman. It's like people think time stands still when I leave their presence.
But she did say one thing that made me feel good on the inside, she told me I looked happier. That is one thing I didn't realize people noticed then, that I wasn't always the happy.
But, ever since I left VA and went back to Texas to get my life together I've lost the weight and re-evaluated who I was and wanted to be. Just recently though did I realize that in order for me to really be the real me I had to change who I saw in the mirror.
So with all that excess fat, when all of that beautiful hair my grandmother gave me. So, I made the big chop and am living a napptural life. Slowly becoming the person I always feared to be, myself.
So, she was right in her observation, I am happier.
Life's Lesson when growing up: People never change, and we will never change who we are, we will simply become who we've always wanted to be... ourselves.
Anywho, today while I was enjoying some me time I ran into this girl I went to school with when I first moved to Virginia. I'm not the one to hold grudges but, if I didn't associate with you in school, honey I'm not going to act all, "Ooooh hey girl, how you been? What you been up too?" That's just not me.
I didn't care then, still don't. But, I am a cordial person. So I said hey back, and hit her with the "I'm good". Then she hit me with the, "Girl you don' lost weight, and cut all yo hair off."
Obviously lol
I don't know, I just think it's weird when people say that I've grown or I'm becoming a beautiful young woman. It's like people think time stands still when I leave their presence.
But she did say one thing that made me feel good on the inside, she told me I looked happier. That is one thing I didn't realize people noticed then, that I wasn't always the happy.
But, ever since I left VA and went back to Texas to get my life together I've lost the weight and re-evaluated who I was and wanted to be. Just recently though did I realize that in order for me to really be the real me I had to change who I saw in the mirror.
So with all that excess fat, when all of that beautiful hair my grandmother gave me. So, I made the big chop and am living a napptural life. Slowly becoming the person I always feared to be, myself.
So, she was right in her observation, I am happier.
Life's Lesson when growing up: People never change, and we will never change who we are, we will simply become who we've always wanted to be... ourselves.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Lately
Lately I been itching to write but I've been so busy that I've been putting it off. But, there are some things going on in my head I need to get out, so I'm going to run through some stuff right now.
First, my little sister is obsessed with this boy group, Mindless Behavior. So, she won some tickets and a chance to hang with for three hours on Sunday. Oh my gosh if she isn't the most excited 16 year old ever.
I gave my dad his Christmas gift a month and some days early because it just couldn't wait. This Sunday, my dad will be attending the Dallas v. Washington game. He has been a Cowboys fan since before I was even thought of and I saved up all year so that he could go to this game and actually see the game without squinting. Oh Mmm Gee when I handed him the tickets I thought he was going to sprint across the country. I got him some Dallas stuff to wear too but he can't have that until Sunday. Too many surprises in one day, just isn't healthy.
I've been attending some open mic nights in the area lately. Nothing major just some small stuff. But it's been pretty chill. There's a place in RVA I'm thinking about venturing too once I get the courage up to do so.
I'm currently in the process of getting my body Hawaii ready. I use to be huge, then I lost a whole person. But ever since then I've been slacking in the workout department so, I'm back at it. I might even get back into playing basketball or softball.
I just need to get back to having fun, I can't take a vacation every weekend. Although I would love to. Hmmm, more poetry to come out of me I believe.
Oh, and I will be following this Penn State thing all the way through, I want to make sure I know everything I can before I write about it. One thing I'll say though, this is disgusting and sad.
Long live JoePa though!!!!! (what can I say, the man is a legend)
First, my little sister is obsessed with this boy group, Mindless Behavior. So, she won some tickets and a chance to hang with for three hours on Sunday. Oh my gosh if she isn't the most excited 16 year old ever.
I gave my dad his Christmas gift a month and some days early because it just couldn't wait. This Sunday, my dad will be attending the Dallas v. Washington game. He has been a Cowboys fan since before I was even thought of and I saved up all year so that he could go to this game and actually see the game without squinting. Oh Mmm Gee when I handed him the tickets I thought he was going to sprint across the country. I got him some Dallas stuff to wear too but he can't have that until Sunday. Too many surprises in one day, just isn't healthy.
I've been attending some open mic nights in the area lately. Nothing major just some small stuff. But it's been pretty chill. There's a place in RVA I'm thinking about venturing too once I get the courage up to do so.
I'm currently in the process of getting my body Hawaii ready. I use to be huge, then I lost a whole person. But ever since then I've been slacking in the workout department so, I'm back at it. I might even get back into playing basketball or softball.
I just need to get back to having fun, I can't take a vacation every weekend. Although I would love to. Hmmm, more poetry to come out of me I believe.
Oh, and I will be following this Penn State thing all the way through, I want to make sure I know everything I can before I write about it. One thing I'll say though, this is disgusting and sad.
Long live JoePa though!!!!! (what can I say, the man is a legend)
Monday, November 7, 2011
#PoundSign
I want some head so good my muscles contract and my walls collaspe. #Moans
I want to eat a blizzard in the midst of an actual blizzard. #Random
My bestfriend and I use to watch flicks in our 1 o' clock class. #ThingsIDoWithMike lol
Flicks make me laugh, not excited to have sex. #WeirdButTrue
I had sex in a press box once. #Nice
There was a time when all I wanted to eat was Sonic. #AndIDid
I'm addicted to kissing. #FirstStepIsAdmittance
I prefer artificial flowers over real ones. #Everlasting Beauty
I like to play "Dare or Dare." #ItsTheOnlyWayToPlay
Hide and Go Get It in the Dark. #OhYeah
I lose my keys at least 3x a month. I always find them in the same place. #Slowness
When I start having sex again... oh is it on for at least 6 days. #MaybeLonger
People say I'm weird. #CourtneyShrug
I want to eat a blizzard in the midst of an actual blizzard. #Random
My bestfriend and I use to watch flicks in our 1 o' clock class. #ThingsIDoWithMike lol
Flicks make me laugh, not excited to have sex. #WeirdButTrue
I had sex in a press box once. #Nice
There was a time when all I wanted to eat was Sonic. #AndIDid
I'm addicted to kissing. #FirstStepIsAdmittance
I prefer artificial flowers over real ones. #Everlasting Beauty
I like to play "Dare or Dare." #ItsTheOnlyWayToPlay
Hide and Go Get It in the Dark. #OhYeah
I lose my keys at least 3x a month. I always find them in the same place. #Slowness
When I start having sex again... oh is it on for at least 6 days. #MaybeLonger
People say I'm weird. #CourtneyShrug
Saturday, November 5, 2011
Relax, Relate, Release *In my Whitley Voice*
I have been working my BUTT off this past month and a half and I finally got a break. So I took it! I got in my little red focus, drove an hour and a half to the 757 to stay at the ALoft hotel. Which is okay but not all that.
However, I needed to get away for a while so I came. And I am loving every minute of it. There is nothing more relaxing than waking up, working out, showering, and climbing back into the bed.
I did enjoy some fruit and granola this morning, and a glass of the best breakfast drink ever. The lady that brought my food said she'd never heard of people mixing orange juice and cranberry juice but she was going to try it.
But now I'm watching a movie and secretly laughing at the people that had to drag themselves to work this morning. I did bring my books though. I don't mind studying when I'm on one of my get-a-ways. As long as I don't have to run to class or do something for someone.
Don't get me wrong, I love helping people out but sometimes, I need to do something for myself. This is it. But, I need to get back to my movie. Christmas with the Kranks is actually quite funny.
Hmmmm sweet peace.
However, I needed to get away for a while so I came. And I am loving every minute of it. There is nothing more relaxing than waking up, working out, showering, and climbing back into the bed.
I did enjoy some fruit and granola this morning, and a glass of the best breakfast drink ever. The lady that brought my food said she'd never heard of people mixing orange juice and cranberry juice but she was going to try it.
But now I'm watching a movie and secretly laughing at the people that had to drag themselves to work this morning. I did bring my books though. I don't mind studying when I'm on one of my get-a-ways. As long as I don't have to run to class or do something for someone.
Don't get me wrong, I love helping people out but sometimes, I need to do something for myself. This is it. But, I need to get back to my movie. Christmas with the Kranks is actually quite funny.
Hmmmm sweet peace.
Friday, November 4, 2011
Bedroom Guard
It stands before your body as an invisible wall. Waiting to be torn down. It is the gatekeeper to your most sacred gift, this gift...
When someone knows you like that it makes it your entire body exhale and smile with pure satisfaction. It is that time when you literally bare your soul to someone.
There is just something about someone that knows just how to please you in such a way that it leaves you speechless and truly satisfied. It's a feeling that comes over you when someone knows you inside and out.
It is the time when you reveal who you are inside and out. Now, this isn't the first time but this time it is different from any other time.
He knows you now, more than you think he does. More than anyone else ever did. He's studied your every movement. The way your hips and lips move, the way your eyes dance. He knows, simply by the way your body moves, just how pleased you are.
He knows just what to do so that you desire him even when your body is satisfied beyond it's limits. His strong hands seem to always be in the perfect place, his lips caress your skin at he right time.
Your bodies become one without hesitation, they move together slowly, quickly. They are elegant and divine.This is what love making feels like.
It gives the body a rush when it's slow and sensual, and causes the body to beg for more repeatedly when the tempo increases. It is this that makes you reminisce days after, tender love.
This gift is beautiful and real, but it is guarded.
To be continued...
Gimme the But(t)
I am currently having a conversation and I can't help but think about the but in the back of my mind. Why is it when people ask questions, or want the explanation to a question people hit that whole "I would... BUT..."
Now I'm not pinpointing the person in which the conversation was had, it's just that. But this is the third "but" conversation I've had today. And yet and still, no one will give me the but. Why not? What's wrong with giving up the but?
People give up the butt (notice the extra T) all the time, but they can never seem to give up the but without a little nudge. Hmmmm, now I have been known to not give up the but and I'm working on that.
However, why won't people just gimme the BUT!!!
Now I'm not pinpointing the person in which the conversation was had, it's just that. But this is the third "but" conversation I've had today. And yet and still, no one will give me the but. Why not? What's wrong with giving up the but?
People give up the butt (notice the extra T) all the time, but they can never seem to give up the but without a little nudge. Hmmmm, now I have been known to not give up the but and I'm working on that.
However, why won't people just gimme the BUT!!!
Please, You're Just Horny
So, last night I had an extremely good conversation with my sister... and I admitted something that was so true and so on point that I had to Facebook it. The funny thing is, not everyone was feeling it. In fact, I got quite a few emails, an angry phone call, and even some odd text messages, all from guys to... go figure.
"You know, I be thinking I have feelings for people... turns out, I just be horny."-Yeah I said it, so what-
You gotta admit that is kinda funny and true. Let's be serious for a second people. Being horny can kind of be considered an emotion. Which is defined as any strong feeling. And being horny is quite a strong feeling. Anyone who says different has never been horny (or getting it in day in and day out).
Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that every relationship I've ever been in is because I wanted some, it's just that, those guys who I should have known weren't good for me and who I knew I would never consider a lifetime partner, I've simply lusted over. They were sexy, and at the time, had it going on on the outside.
Being horny is an emotion people wear on their sleeve so to speak. One minute they're lusting over that guy or girl (b/c fellas y'all do it too) in the club. Saying stupid things like, "look at how he moving on the dance floor I bet he could ooh wee all up in the bedroom. Ima get that." Or "Dang shortie got an ass on her, ima hit that and make her one of my jants." But after a failed attempt or a change of topic, the feeling is gone.
In all honesty, I'll admit, I've entertained the thought of talking to a guy because of his physical, but I know that'll get me nowhere. As much as I love to look at a fine tall brother and think about how pleased I'd be in the bedroom, I need more in my life than some thang thang. And that's the truth honey.
I'm not knockin' you if all you looking for is some good good, but ummm don't let your hormones pick and choose the "relationships" you choose to be in because eventually, you're gonna wanna know more about the person you're having sex with... at least I hope so.
"You know, I be thinking I have feelings for people... turns out, I just be horny."-Yeah I said it, so what-
You gotta admit that is kinda funny and true. Let's be serious for a second people. Being horny can kind of be considered an emotion. Which is defined as any strong feeling. And being horny is quite a strong feeling. Anyone who says different has never been horny (or getting it in day in and day out).
Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that every relationship I've ever been in is because I wanted some, it's just that, those guys who I should have known weren't good for me and who I knew I would never consider a lifetime partner, I've simply lusted over. They were sexy, and at the time, had it going on on the outside.
Being horny is an emotion people wear on their sleeve so to speak. One minute they're lusting over that guy or girl (b/c fellas y'all do it too) in the club. Saying stupid things like, "look at how he moving on the dance floor I bet he could ooh wee all up in the bedroom. Ima get that." Or "Dang shortie got an ass on her, ima hit that and make her one of my jants." But after a failed attempt or a change of topic, the feeling is gone.
In all honesty, I'll admit, I've entertained the thought of talking to a guy because of his physical, but I know that'll get me nowhere. As much as I love to look at a fine tall brother and think about how pleased I'd be in the bedroom, I need more in my life than some thang thang. And that's the truth honey.
I'm not knockin' you if all you looking for is some good good, but ummm don't let your hormones pick and choose the "relationships" you choose to be in because eventually, you're gonna wanna know more about the person you're having sex with... at least I hope so.
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Sing Natalie
Press play before you read.
I Got Love On My Mind Because I Miss It
I miss it.
The love that is to be made.
The passion that is played upon.
But, why did I give it all up?
What made me want to let go of something so real.
Maybe it wasn't real love.
Maybe it was fake.
But, I miss it.
I miss...
I miss the long slow kisses..
The gentle touch of one's hand.
I miss the randomness before.
But most of all I miss the intimacy after.
I miss the soft heavy breaths I was forced to take.
The feeling of pure ecstasy.
But I gave it up.
Why?
Because I got tired of the planned sex.
As much as I enjoyed it,
I got tired of the pushing and pulling.
Because it wasn't real.
It was staged.
It was certain to happen.
I got tired of that.
I got tired of being told, when you get here...
I didn't miss that.
Sometimes, no, all the time.
I want the randomness.
The quality time.
Because I don't want love all the time.
Well, not the physical.
But when I want it, like now.
I want it.
I miss it.
The love.
Being loved on.
When I'm bored my mind wanders to
The love.
I got love on my mind.
Because
I Miss It.
Which Means I Might Have to do This Again
Magician
Without warning I was gone... just like a magician performing in front of hundreds of people I disappeared. But I didn't do it for the entertainment of others, I feel like that's what I had been doing all along. Entertaining people.
Entertaining people's thoughts and ideas, satisfying their needs to be listend to, being their shoulder to cry on. I entertained them with my responses to their constant never-ending bullsh*t problems that in my eyes weren't worth the stress. Yet I listened. Because I cared, and knew they needed someone to be there.
But when it was my turn entertain people, it was like being at a magic show when the magician is doing his played out card trick and all the audience wants is for him to disappear. So, I ended my card trick and immediately went to my disappearing act.
But why? Who wants to be unseen? It was like my whole show fell apart. My family broke first, constant arguing and door slamming. I bust my ass to help pay bills and in return I get, that's not enough, sonce when is $350 a month not enough when you have a good job? Huh, I don't get it. I am the lone ranger in my house.
My so-called friends, who I was there for no matter what, have become memories for, now when I need them they don't have time to listen. They'll talk, but won't listen. It was like what I was going through was simply easy to handle. Getting over the fact that your own family won't help you when you need them most is easy to handle, like a broken heart because love didn't love you back is easy to handle. Being robbed of another child must be easy to handle for some but for me, it was terrible.
So, what do I have left, no family, no friends... school. But even that seemed to slide through my fingers. I work my ass off to pay tuition, and I bust my ass in the gym everyday so that I could play ball in college. But as soon as things started looking up I realized that I all I could do was look. It was like my finger tips were brushing across the door into RU but I couldn't grab hold of the hanlde.
So with that, I gave up on trying to entertain people. They didn't want to applaud me, they didn't want to be there when the show ended. So, I thouhgt about what I needed. I needed change, I needed joy in my life I needed...I needed a whole new act
Posted by missextraordinary at 12:17 PM January 11, 2010
Without warning I was gone... just like a magician performing in front of hundreds of people I disappeared. But I didn't do it for the entertainment of others, I feel like that's what I had been doing all along. Entertaining people.
Entertaining people's thoughts and ideas, satisfying their needs to be listend to, being their shoulder to cry on. I entertained them with my responses to their constant never-ending bullsh*t problems that in my eyes weren't worth the stress. Yet I listened. Because I cared, and knew they needed someone to be there.
But when it was my turn entertain people, it was like being at a magic show when the magician is doing his played out card trick and all the audience wants is for him to disappear. So, I ended my card trick and immediately went to my disappearing act.
But why? Who wants to be unseen? It was like my whole show fell apart. My family broke first, constant arguing and door slamming. I bust my ass to help pay bills and in return I get, that's not enough, sonce when is $350 a month not enough when you have a good job? Huh, I don't get it. I am the lone ranger in my house.
My so-called friends, who I was there for no matter what, have become memories for, now when I need them they don't have time to listen. They'll talk, but won't listen. It was like what I was going through was simply easy to handle. Getting over the fact that your own family won't help you when you need them most is easy to handle, like a broken heart because love didn't love you back is easy to handle. Being robbed of another child must be easy to handle for some but for me, it was terrible.
So, what do I have left, no family, no friends... school. But even that seemed to slide through my fingers. I work my ass off to pay tuition, and I bust my ass in the gym everyday so that I could play ball in college. But as soon as things started looking up I realized that I all I could do was look. It was like my finger tips were brushing across the door into RU but I couldn't grab hold of the hanlde.
So with that, I gave up on trying to entertain people. They didn't want to applaud me, they didn't want to be there when the show ended. So, I thouhgt about what I needed. I needed change, I needed joy in my life I needed...I needed a whole new act
Posted by missextraordinary at 12:17 PM January 11, 2010
Repost: (I'm feeling like this again)
what's my name?
courtney lashay, miss extraordinary, coconut, big-point, big head... all of these names and yet not one of them describes me in full... maybe thats why i have so many. or maybe its because not everyone who knows me, knows me. i mean, im real at all times but not all of me is on display at all times.
i can only be my true self, the good, the bad, and at times the ugly around a few people, the people who i trust whole-heartedly. who i know won't change their opinions, judge me, or shun me because of the decisions i've made and will make right, wrong, or stupid.
i guess miss extraordinary describes me in full but the name makes me think of a superhero. and that makes me wonder, could i be a superhero???? i mean, superheroes are strong in every sense of the word and i'm not... ugh!!!
oh well, i guess when it comes down to the right nickname for me the right person will bless me with it. whoever that is.
Posted by missextraordinary at 6:48 AM November 19, 2009
courtney lashay, miss extraordinary, coconut, big-point, big head... all of these names and yet not one of them describes me in full... maybe thats why i have so many. or maybe its because not everyone who knows me, knows me. i mean, im real at all times but not all of me is on display at all times.
i can only be my true self, the good, the bad, and at times the ugly around a few people, the people who i trust whole-heartedly. who i know won't change their opinions, judge me, or shun me because of the decisions i've made and will make right, wrong, or stupid.
i guess miss extraordinary describes me in full but the name makes me think of a superhero. and that makes me wonder, could i be a superhero???? i mean, superheroes are strong in every sense of the word and i'm not... ugh!!!
oh well, i guess when it comes down to the right nickname for me the right person will bless me with it. whoever that is.
Posted by missextraordinary at 6:48 AM November 19, 2009
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
I Want That Kind of Love
I want that kind of love where I hate to leave home in the morning because you're there. But I love to return because, you'll be there.
I want that kind of love that most people can only dream about. Real love.
That fight all night and then kiss and make up love.
That late night and early mornings love.
I want that kind of love that makes me want to scream your name from the roof tops.
I want that kind of love that when, you hurt I hurt, and when I hurt you hurt. When I smile you smile, and when you cry, I cry.
I want that love that isn't perfect. But still everyday is worth it.
I want that old folks love. That, for better or worse we will get through this love.
I want that 50 years and going strong love.
I want that love where when people pass us they say, "You don't see love like that any more do you."
I want that kind of love.
I want that kind of love that most people can only dream about. Real love.
That fight all night and then kiss and make up love.
That late night and early mornings love.
I want that kind of love that makes me want to scream your name from the roof tops.
I want that kind of love that when, you hurt I hurt, and when I hurt you hurt. When I smile you smile, and when you cry, I cry.
I want that love that isn't perfect. But still everyday is worth it.
I want that old folks love. That, for better or worse we will get through this love.
I want that 50 years and going strong love.
I want that love where when people pass us they say, "You don't see love like that any more do you."
I want that kind of love.
9 years
When he was 9, I was 2 months old.
When he was 18, I was 9.
But when I was 16, he was 25.
And we, became friends.
It's kind of weird. Like, what kind of people were we? Are we?
We would always have these little convos in the office. "Hey, how ya doin's" and "What you been up to's?"
Every so often, I'd notice in him, or he'd notice in me, a slight hint of distress. Which lead to the "What's wrongs" and "We can talk about it's."
I don't mean to toot my own horn but at 14 I was way to mature for my age. Made my mother's uncomfortable.
But, I was who I was.
So, when it came down to it. I was friends with older people.
And that's all we were, was friends.
Until that one day.
I hopped in the car and started singing with him. But it was so normal, you would have never known we had only known each other for a few months.
Then someone said those fatal words, "Y'all look so cute together."
That made our friendship weird for a few days.
And then after 2 years of talking, flirting, and working together... it happened.
Stop thinking nasty! We just kissed.
After that things got a little, friendly, friendly like.
But I realized something, I missed my friend.
So, after 2 more years of teasing each other we finally stopped everything.
It's been 2 years since I even looked at my friend that way and our friendship is stronger than ever.
But now he's 31, and I'm 22.
And we often talk about what made either one of us decide it was okay to fool around, after we said, we'd never cross that line.
There still is no answer, but it is for sure... we will not go back in that direction.
Love that guy.
When he was 18, I was 9.
But when I was 16, he was 25.
And we, became friends.
It's kind of weird. Like, what kind of people were we? Are we?
We would always have these little convos in the office. "Hey, how ya doin's" and "What you been up to's?"
Every so often, I'd notice in him, or he'd notice in me, a slight hint of distress. Which lead to the "What's wrongs" and "We can talk about it's."
I don't mean to toot my own horn but at 14 I was way to mature for my age. Made my mother's uncomfortable.
But, I was who I was.
So, when it came down to it. I was friends with older people.
And that's all we were, was friends.
Until that one day.
I hopped in the car and started singing with him. But it was so normal, you would have never known we had only known each other for a few months.
Then someone said those fatal words, "Y'all look so cute together."
That made our friendship weird for a few days.
And then after 2 years of talking, flirting, and working together... it happened.
Stop thinking nasty! We just kissed.
After that things got a little, friendly, friendly like.
But I realized something, I missed my friend.
So, after 2 more years of teasing each other we finally stopped everything.
It's been 2 years since I even looked at my friend that way and our friendship is stronger than ever.
But now he's 31, and I'm 22.
And we often talk about what made either one of us decide it was okay to fool around, after we said, we'd never cross that line.
There still is no answer, but it is for sure... we will not go back in that direction.
Love that guy.
Jewel vs. Brittany vs. Becky
It's pretty clear that I'm a little on the not normal side and I'm okay with that. But my insides are having this debate on which person Courtney needs to be.
I (Courtney) would just like to be myself. I don't want to be any of the people that have become a part of me over the past few years. It's like everyone knows a different side to me but not only 1 person, in this whole wide world, knows Courtney.
You would think that one person would be like my perfect match, my everything, my all. But he's just a friend. And old (literally lol) friend, who I need to publish this blog about.
I'll do that next.
Anyway, he knows everything. From beginning to end. He loves me, and I love him but ummm he doesn't like me.
People have so many different opinions on who I am as a person that he feels the real me has yet to run out on stage and scream, "Hey world! I'm here!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He met who the girls refer to as Jewel. The cute one with the long hair, and the jewelry (go figure she wears jewelry), and the pumps. Nice attitude and very shy. He can't stand her.
Jewel is shallow. Always in the mirror. Addicted to sex. smh
He also has met Becky. The white girl. The one who has a lot of "blonde moments." Whatever that means. If you have a slow moment you have a slow moment. I know brunettes that have made dumber decisions. lol
Funny thing about Becky is, Becky don't give head (sorry plies). She's too well behaved for that. In fact, Becky is still a virgin. Poor thing.
He likes Brittany to an extent. She's a bit of a thug. Long hair don't care. "Dressed in all black like the omen." (Whose line is that?) She likes to go out on occasion and find trouble. She's a very revealing person physically. She's addicted to it all. I think the girl is nasty.
But hey, that's just me. And trust, Brxt ain't no virgin, anywhere.
See what I'm saying though. I'm a little unbalanced. You put all of them together and well, you don't have Courtney, you got 4 different people.
Courtney is, an athlete, a sister, a friend and... a little twisted. I really just like to have fun. My friend said I should really allow people to meet the whole me. This way their perceptions of me aren't alternate personalities. So here goes nothing.
Good Evening, my name is Courtney LaShay and I am... not going to tell. So figure it out.
Even the most outgoing people have to leave something to the imagination.
I (Courtney) would just like to be myself. I don't want to be any of the people that have become a part of me over the past few years. It's like everyone knows a different side to me but not only 1 person, in this whole wide world, knows Courtney.
You would think that one person would be like my perfect match, my everything, my all. But he's just a friend. And old (literally lol) friend, who I need to publish this blog about.
I'll do that next.
Anyway, he knows everything. From beginning to end. He loves me, and I love him but ummm he doesn't like me.
People have so many different opinions on who I am as a person that he feels the real me has yet to run out on stage and scream, "Hey world! I'm here!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He met who the girls refer to as Jewel. The cute one with the long hair, and the jewelry (go figure she wears jewelry), and the pumps. Nice attitude and very shy. He can't stand her.
Jewel is shallow. Always in the mirror. Addicted to sex. smh
He also has met Becky. The white girl. The one who has a lot of "blonde moments." Whatever that means. If you have a slow moment you have a slow moment. I know brunettes that have made dumber decisions. lol
Funny thing about Becky is, Becky don't give head (sorry plies). She's too well behaved for that. In fact, Becky is still a virgin. Poor thing.
He likes Brittany to an extent. She's a bit of a thug. Long hair don't care. "Dressed in all black like the omen." (Whose line is that?) She likes to go out on occasion and find trouble. She's a very revealing person physically. She's addicted to it all. I think the girl is nasty.
But hey, that's just me. And trust, Brxt ain't no virgin, anywhere.
See what I'm saying though. I'm a little unbalanced. You put all of them together and well, you don't have Courtney, you got 4 different people.
Courtney is, an athlete, a sister, a friend and... a little twisted. I really just like to have fun. My friend said I should really allow people to meet the whole me. This way their perceptions of me aren't alternate personalities. So here goes nothing.
Good Evening, my name is Courtney LaShay and I am... not going to tell. So figure it out.
Even the most outgoing people have to leave something to the imagination.
I gotta get my life together. Not that it isn't together right now but it could be more together than it is.
Does that make sense?
Let me clarify a little. I'm behind in some things at school and I need some time to get caught up. In all seriousness, I could really stay at home all day Friday. I have to teach at Matoaca High during 1st period on Friday, but after that I believe I'm going home and crawling into my bed.
I sound so lazy but, I have never in my life been this tired. I've had two jobs before but the hours are kicking my cakes.
All I need is one day to just get everything in order and then I'll be ready to take on the world again. But I can't help but feel like I might need to take more time than that.
Lately a lot has been running through my head and I just might need to go on another
another, whatever it is. Last time I did it I dropped off the face of the earth and things changed.
They got better, and they stayed better (hello I'm still celibate). So I'm hoping that the things plaguing me now will subside and I can move on to bigger and better things.
All I know is right now I have so much to do it's driving me crazy and I'm so tired it's making me mad. I sleep about 3 hours a night, not b/c I'm just up wasting away but because I'm studying, or working, or doing something that only Courtney can do.
I just want to get away for a weekend if I can't take my month long hiatus. I just need some time to relax, and get over this flippin' cold.
Does that make sense?
Let me clarify a little. I'm behind in some things at school and I need some time to get caught up. In all seriousness, I could really stay at home all day Friday. I have to teach at Matoaca High during 1st period on Friday, but after that I believe I'm going home and crawling into my bed.
I sound so lazy but, I have never in my life been this tired. I've had two jobs before but the hours are kicking my cakes.
All I need is one day to just get everything in order and then I'll be ready to take on the world again. But I can't help but feel like I might need to take more time than that.
Lately a lot has been running through my head and I just might need to go on another
another, whatever it is. Last time I did it I dropped off the face of the earth and things changed.
They got better, and they stayed better (hello I'm still celibate). So I'm hoping that the things plaguing me now will subside and I can move on to bigger and better things.
All I know is right now I have so much to do it's driving me crazy and I'm so tired it's making me mad. I sleep about 3 hours a night, not b/c I'm just up wasting away but because I'm studying, or working, or doing something that only Courtney can do.
I just want to get away for a weekend if I can't take my month long hiatus. I just need some time to relax, and get over this flippin' cold.
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
This Morning
This morning I woke up wanting it. I mean I wanted it so bad it made no sense. I don't know why but 1 month prior to me celebrating my one year of celibacy up until now I have been overly horny. It's like my body wants nothing more than to be satisfied.
But I can't give in, I'm not ready to yet. Or am I? I can't make my body stop craving what I would feed to it on a regular basis for so long. I sound like an addict. It's funny because my friends use to call me a nympho and now refer to me as a caged nympho.
I hate to say it but they might be right. It's like every time I walk past someone that appeals to my senses I can't help but wonder what the sex is like. I have half a mind to make this one phone call that would put my body at ease but opening up that door will lead to a repeat performance if my past.
I don't want that. Especially with the talk of relationships and such going on all around me. I just can't enter into another relationship based on the fact that every time we're alone sex will be the main topic of "Physical Discussion."
I need to find another extracurricular activity, and soon.
But I can't give in, I'm not ready to yet. Or am I? I can't make my body stop craving what I would feed to it on a regular basis for so long. I sound like an addict. It's funny because my friends use to call me a nympho and now refer to me as a caged nympho.
I hate to say it but they might be right. It's like every time I walk past someone that appeals to my senses I can't help but wonder what the sex is like. I have half a mind to make this one phone call that would put my body at ease but opening up that door will lead to a repeat performance if my past.
I don't want that. Especially with the talk of relationships and such going on all around me. I just can't enter into another relationship based on the fact that every time we're alone sex will be the main topic of "Physical Discussion."
I need to find another extracurricular activity, and soon.
Hello November
There are plenty of reasons why I am happy to say that November has arrived. For one, homecoming is over. I am so worn out, and sick that all I really want to do is sleep. Also, my grandma is coming to visit for Thanksgiving. That woman always lifts my spirits and by then, I'm going to need it. School and work are stressing me out. And oh, let's not forget, Thanksgiving dinner!!! Lol.
I love being able to eat Thanksgiving dinner, watch football until I fall asleep, and then wake up to do it all over again. Even though I won't be with my entire family as long as my grandma is here I'll be just fine.
November was supposed to bring me fall foliage since October didn't really bring me enough but mother nature and I are going to talk about that. I look forward to this weather because I know spring soon come. And I love the heat.
So, while winter fast approaches and the light jackets become heavy pea-coats and tall boots I'm preparing myself for some fun.
Finals in the first week of December and then an entire month off from school. That means I'll be in New York soon, then home for the holidays and oh the trouble I plan to get in to.
So, hellooooo November, it is very nice to see you.
I love being able to eat Thanksgiving dinner, watch football until I fall asleep, and then wake up to do it all over again. Even though I won't be with my entire family as long as my grandma is here I'll be just fine.
November was supposed to bring me fall foliage since October didn't really bring me enough but mother nature and I are going to talk about that. I look forward to this weather because I know spring soon come. And I love the heat.
So, while winter fast approaches and the light jackets become heavy pea-coats and tall boots I'm preparing myself for some fun.
Finals in the first week of December and then an entire month off from school. That means I'll be in New York soon, then home for the holidays and oh the trouble I plan to get in to.
So, hellooooo November, it is very nice to see you.
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