I want that kind of love where I hate to leave home in the morning because you're there. But I love to return because, you'll be there.
I want that kind of love that most people can only dream about. Real love.
That fight all night and then kiss and make up love.
That late night and early mornings love.
I want that kind of love that makes me want to scream your name from the roof tops.
I want that kind of love that when, you hurt I hurt, and when I hurt you hurt. When I smile you smile, and when you cry, I cry.
I want that love that isn't perfect. But still everyday is worth it.
I want that old folks love. That, for better or worse we will get through this love.
I want that 50 years and going strong love.
I want that love where when people pass us they say, "You don't see love like that any more do you."
I want that kind of love.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
9 years
When he was 9, I was 2 months old.
When he was 18, I was 9.
But when I was 16, he was 25.
And we, became friends.
It's kind of weird. Like, what kind of people were we? Are we?
We would always have these little convos in the office. "Hey, how ya doin's" and "What you been up to's?"
Every so often, I'd notice in him, or he'd notice in me, a slight hint of distress. Which lead to the "What's wrongs" and "We can talk about it's."
I don't mean to toot my own horn but at 14 I was way to mature for my age. Made my mother's uncomfortable.
But, I was who I was.
So, when it came down to it. I was friends with older people.
And that's all we were, was friends.
Until that one day.
I hopped in the car and started singing with him. But it was so normal, you would have never known we had only known each other for a few months.
Then someone said those fatal words, "Y'all look so cute together."
That made our friendship weird for a few days.
And then after 2 years of talking, flirting, and working together... it happened.
Stop thinking nasty! We just kissed.
After that things got a little, friendly, friendly like.
But I realized something, I missed my friend.
So, after 2 more years of teasing each other we finally stopped everything.
It's been 2 years since I even looked at my friend that way and our friendship is stronger than ever.
But now he's 31, and I'm 22.
And we often talk about what made either one of us decide it was okay to fool around, after we said, we'd never cross that line.
There still is no answer, but it is for sure... we will not go back in that direction.
Love that guy.
When he was 18, I was 9.
But when I was 16, he was 25.
And we, became friends.
It's kind of weird. Like, what kind of people were we? Are we?
We would always have these little convos in the office. "Hey, how ya doin's" and "What you been up to's?"
Every so often, I'd notice in him, or he'd notice in me, a slight hint of distress. Which lead to the "What's wrongs" and "We can talk about it's."
I don't mean to toot my own horn but at 14 I was way to mature for my age. Made my mother's uncomfortable.
But, I was who I was.
So, when it came down to it. I was friends with older people.
And that's all we were, was friends.
Until that one day.
I hopped in the car and started singing with him. But it was so normal, you would have never known we had only known each other for a few months.
Then someone said those fatal words, "Y'all look so cute together."
That made our friendship weird for a few days.
And then after 2 years of talking, flirting, and working together... it happened.
Stop thinking nasty! We just kissed.
After that things got a little, friendly, friendly like.
But I realized something, I missed my friend.
So, after 2 more years of teasing each other we finally stopped everything.
It's been 2 years since I even looked at my friend that way and our friendship is stronger than ever.
But now he's 31, and I'm 22.
And we often talk about what made either one of us decide it was okay to fool around, after we said, we'd never cross that line.
There still is no answer, but it is for sure... we will not go back in that direction.
Love that guy.
Jewel vs. Brittany vs. Becky
It's pretty clear that I'm a little on the not normal side and I'm okay with that. But my insides are having this debate on which person Courtney needs to be.
I (Courtney) would just like to be myself. I don't want to be any of the people that have become a part of me over the past few years. It's like everyone knows a different side to me but not only 1 person, in this whole wide world, knows Courtney.
You would think that one person would be like my perfect match, my everything, my all. But he's just a friend. And old (literally lol) friend, who I need to publish this blog about.
I'll do that next.
Anyway, he knows everything. From beginning to end. He loves me, and I love him but ummm he doesn't like me.
People have so many different opinions on who I am as a person that he feels the real me has yet to run out on stage and scream, "Hey world! I'm here!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He met who the girls refer to as Jewel. The cute one with the long hair, and the jewelry (go figure she wears jewelry), and the pumps. Nice attitude and very shy. He can't stand her.
Jewel is shallow. Always in the mirror. Addicted to sex. smh
He also has met Becky. The white girl. The one who has a lot of "blonde moments." Whatever that means. If you have a slow moment you have a slow moment. I know brunettes that have made dumber decisions. lol
Funny thing about Becky is, Becky don't give head (sorry plies). She's too well behaved for that. In fact, Becky is still a virgin. Poor thing.
He likes Brittany to an extent. She's a bit of a thug. Long hair don't care. "Dressed in all black like the omen." (Whose line is that?) She likes to go out on occasion and find trouble. She's a very revealing person physically. She's addicted to it all. I think the girl is nasty.
But hey, that's just me. And trust, Brxt ain't no virgin, anywhere.
See what I'm saying though. I'm a little unbalanced. You put all of them together and well, you don't have Courtney, you got 4 different people.
Courtney is, an athlete, a sister, a friend and... a little twisted. I really just like to have fun. My friend said I should really allow people to meet the whole me. This way their perceptions of me aren't alternate personalities. So here goes nothing.
Good Evening, my name is Courtney LaShay and I am... not going to tell. So figure it out.
Even the most outgoing people have to leave something to the imagination.
I (Courtney) would just like to be myself. I don't want to be any of the people that have become a part of me over the past few years. It's like everyone knows a different side to me but not only 1 person, in this whole wide world, knows Courtney.
You would think that one person would be like my perfect match, my everything, my all. But he's just a friend. And old (literally lol) friend, who I need to publish this blog about.
I'll do that next.
Anyway, he knows everything. From beginning to end. He loves me, and I love him but ummm he doesn't like me.
People have so many different opinions on who I am as a person that he feels the real me has yet to run out on stage and scream, "Hey world! I'm here!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He met who the girls refer to as Jewel. The cute one with the long hair, and the jewelry (go figure she wears jewelry), and the pumps. Nice attitude and very shy. He can't stand her.
Jewel is shallow. Always in the mirror. Addicted to sex. smh
He also has met Becky. The white girl. The one who has a lot of "blonde moments." Whatever that means. If you have a slow moment you have a slow moment. I know brunettes that have made dumber decisions. lol
Funny thing about Becky is, Becky don't give head (sorry plies). She's too well behaved for that. In fact, Becky is still a virgin. Poor thing.
He likes Brittany to an extent. She's a bit of a thug. Long hair don't care. "Dressed in all black like the omen." (Whose line is that?) She likes to go out on occasion and find trouble. She's a very revealing person physically. She's addicted to it all. I think the girl is nasty.
But hey, that's just me. And trust, Brxt ain't no virgin, anywhere.
See what I'm saying though. I'm a little unbalanced. You put all of them together and well, you don't have Courtney, you got 4 different people.
Courtney is, an athlete, a sister, a friend and... a little twisted. I really just like to have fun. My friend said I should really allow people to meet the whole me. This way their perceptions of me aren't alternate personalities. So here goes nothing.
Good Evening, my name is Courtney LaShay and I am... not going to tell. So figure it out.
Even the most outgoing people have to leave something to the imagination.
I gotta get my life together. Not that it isn't together right now but it could be more together than it is.
Does that make sense?
Let me clarify a little. I'm behind in some things at school and I need some time to get caught up. In all seriousness, I could really stay at home all day Friday. I have to teach at Matoaca High during 1st period on Friday, but after that I believe I'm going home and crawling into my bed.
I sound so lazy but, I have never in my life been this tired. I've had two jobs before but the hours are kicking my cakes.
All I need is one day to just get everything in order and then I'll be ready to take on the world again. But I can't help but feel like I might need to take more time than that.
Lately a lot has been running through my head and I just might need to go on another
another, whatever it is. Last time I did it I dropped off the face of the earth and things changed.
They got better, and they stayed better (hello I'm still celibate). So I'm hoping that the things plaguing me now will subside and I can move on to bigger and better things.
All I know is right now I have so much to do it's driving me crazy and I'm so tired it's making me mad. I sleep about 3 hours a night, not b/c I'm just up wasting away but because I'm studying, or working, or doing something that only Courtney can do.
I just want to get away for a weekend if I can't take my month long hiatus. I just need some time to relax, and get over this flippin' cold.
Does that make sense?
Let me clarify a little. I'm behind in some things at school and I need some time to get caught up. In all seriousness, I could really stay at home all day Friday. I have to teach at Matoaca High during 1st period on Friday, but after that I believe I'm going home and crawling into my bed.
I sound so lazy but, I have never in my life been this tired. I've had two jobs before but the hours are kicking my cakes.
All I need is one day to just get everything in order and then I'll be ready to take on the world again. But I can't help but feel like I might need to take more time than that.
Lately a lot has been running through my head and I just might need to go on another
another, whatever it is. Last time I did it I dropped off the face of the earth and things changed.
They got better, and they stayed better (hello I'm still celibate). So I'm hoping that the things plaguing me now will subside and I can move on to bigger and better things.
All I know is right now I have so much to do it's driving me crazy and I'm so tired it's making me mad. I sleep about 3 hours a night, not b/c I'm just up wasting away but because I'm studying, or working, or doing something that only Courtney can do.
I just want to get away for a weekend if I can't take my month long hiatus. I just need some time to relax, and get over this flippin' cold.
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
This Morning
This morning I woke up wanting it. I mean I wanted it so bad it made no sense. I don't know why but 1 month prior to me celebrating my one year of celibacy up until now I have been overly horny. It's like my body wants nothing more than to be satisfied.
But I can't give in, I'm not ready to yet. Or am I? I can't make my body stop craving what I would feed to it on a regular basis for so long. I sound like an addict. It's funny because my friends use to call me a nympho and now refer to me as a caged nympho.
I hate to say it but they might be right. It's like every time I walk past someone that appeals to my senses I can't help but wonder what the sex is like. I have half a mind to make this one phone call that would put my body at ease but opening up that door will lead to a repeat performance if my past.
I don't want that. Especially with the talk of relationships and such going on all around me. I just can't enter into another relationship based on the fact that every time we're alone sex will be the main topic of "Physical Discussion."
I need to find another extracurricular activity, and soon.
But I can't give in, I'm not ready to yet. Or am I? I can't make my body stop craving what I would feed to it on a regular basis for so long. I sound like an addict. It's funny because my friends use to call me a nympho and now refer to me as a caged nympho.
I hate to say it but they might be right. It's like every time I walk past someone that appeals to my senses I can't help but wonder what the sex is like. I have half a mind to make this one phone call that would put my body at ease but opening up that door will lead to a repeat performance if my past.
I don't want that. Especially with the talk of relationships and such going on all around me. I just can't enter into another relationship based on the fact that every time we're alone sex will be the main topic of "Physical Discussion."
I need to find another extracurricular activity, and soon.
Hello November
There are plenty of reasons why I am happy to say that November has arrived. For one, homecoming is over. I am so worn out, and sick that all I really want to do is sleep. Also, my grandma is coming to visit for Thanksgiving. That woman always lifts my spirits and by then, I'm going to need it. School and work are stressing me out. And oh, let's not forget, Thanksgiving dinner!!! Lol.
I love being able to eat Thanksgiving dinner, watch football until I fall asleep, and then wake up to do it all over again. Even though I won't be with my entire family as long as my grandma is here I'll be just fine.
November was supposed to bring me fall foliage since October didn't really bring me enough but mother nature and I are going to talk about that. I look forward to this weather because I know spring soon come. And I love the heat.
So, while winter fast approaches and the light jackets become heavy pea-coats and tall boots I'm preparing myself for some fun.
Finals in the first week of December and then an entire month off from school. That means I'll be in New York soon, then home for the holidays and oh the trouble I plan to get in to.
So, hellooooo November, it is very nice to see you.
I love being able to eat Thanksgiving dinner, watch football until I fall asleep, and then wake up to do it all over again. Even though I won't be with my entire family as long as my grandma is here I'll be just fine.
November was supposed to bring me fall foliage since October didn't really bring me enough but mother nature and I are going to talk about that. I look forward to this weather because I know spring soon come. And I love the heat.
So, while winter fast approaches and the light jackets become heavy pea-coats and tall boots I'm preparing myself for some fun.
Finals in the first week of December and then an entire month off from school. That means I'll be in New York soon, then home for the holidays and oh the trouble I plan to get in to.
So, hellooooo November, it is very nice to see you.
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